This article is satirical and was originally published on April Fools’ Day by Moving2Canada. We pranked 20,000 of you – so in true Canadian fashion, we’d like to say sorry.
The Canadian government has confirmed that it is to close its borders, and is to shut down all existing immigration programs.
The news means Canada will no longer be accepting applications from working holiday and permanent residency candidates.
Notes from last week’s cabinet meeting, which have been seen by Moving2Canada, confirmed that the Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, has signed off on the plan with his government colleagues.
It’s unclear whether existing applications will continue to be processed. Some 60,000 IEC candidates, and 250,000 permanent residency hopefuls, had expected to be successful this year. The news will be formally announced later today.
The move is to form part of the government’s Put Canada First Again action plan, which aims to prioritize Canadian jobseekers as the economy continues to waiver.
Falling oil prices and a low Canadian dollar have prompted fears about the health of Canada’s finances over the past year. The government is keen to take steps to ensure its popularity among the electorate remains strong.
“Trump wants to build a wall with Mexico, and he’s winning votes all over the place. The man is a visionary. What’s to say we couldn’t be even more popular if we closed our borders too?,” Trudeau told his government colleagues.
Confidential minutes from the meeting also revealed a darker side to the polished, inclusive rhetoric normally seen in Trudeau’s public statements.
“Whose idea was it anyway to let 10,000 Irish people in here every year? They talk too fast, their tea is basic as f**k, and this ‘craic’ nonsense is a nuisance.
“They don’t even have a proper government at the moment, and they’ll be too busy on the lash at the Euros to even notice,” he added.
Trudeau also laid out plans to exclude UK citizens from Canada, citing the upcoming Brexit referendum as “evidence” that both countries want to go it alone.
“If a coalition of countries like the EU doesn’t work, then neither does the Commonwealth. It’s time we put a Prime Minister on our banknotes. My face would brighten up any financial transaction,” Trudeau told the meeting.
The Prime Minster then turned his attention to other countries, whose citizens have been welcomed to Canada in recent years.
“I remember the ski resorts before all the promiscuity. You can’t step foot in Whistler or Banff without catching an STI these days.
“And the Aussies running the restaurants are crazy. They put Vegemite in the sandwiches and the music they play is appalling. I hate Vegemite, and I really f**king hate Triple J.”
A press conference scheduled for later today, April 1, is expected to reveal more details.
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